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                               -= MajorMUD News =-


 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
 Editors:                                                Published by:
 Shannon Stewart & April Caldwell                      METROPOLIS Inc.
 [email protected]                                    www.majormud.com
 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
 December 2003                                             Issue # XI
 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
 
 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= C O N T E N T S =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

    -=Feature Story
        Version 1.11o Release Notes
           
    -=Current Adventurers
        Meet Harkle
    
    -=Holiday Special  
        "Muddika"        
        
    -=Bard's Tale
        "The Shovel" 
              
    -=Take A Tour  
        A Silvermere Journal
        
    -=MajorMUD Resources       
        The MajorMUD History Channel
        
    -=The Banana Peel
        Sam's Picks
        
    -=Nity's Notions
        MajorMUD and Love
        
    -=MajorFUN       
        Realm Deeds Shop Contest
        
    -=Realm of Legends 
        A Day in the Life of Ug
         
    -=In the Spotlight     
        Metro Live    
         
 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Feature Story =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-
 Version 1.11o Release Notes
  
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= 
 MajorMUD - Realm of Legends        Release Notes 
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= 
      +   Version 1.11o - 12/11/2003    + 
1) Added code to fix the problem with monsters not regenerating. 
2) Adjusted level restrictions on some items. 
3) Fixed reported typos for spells and monster movements. 
4) Fixed the gnome merchant giving the magma blast scroll. 
5) Fixed the barmaid providing sellable room tickets. 
6) Fixed the bribe guard command for some jail cells. 
7) As discussed in MudIdeas, chainmail tunics are now chainmail hauberks. 
8) Fixed some monsters having incorrect magic weapon resistances. 
9) Fixed luring ganghouse guards into shops without an emblem. 
10) Monster head items are now wearable in the (Worn) slot. 
11) Made some adjustments to the 5th alignment quest weapons. 
12) Added a new area in the northern cleared fields. 
13) Enchanted dagger is now required to kill the Spectral Knight. 
 
 
 §
 
 What themes or feature stories would you like to see visited in next
 month's issue?  Would you like to write an article?  E-mail Daymia at
 [email protected] for more information!
 
 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Current Adventurers =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
 Meet Harkle
 by Nity
 
 Editor's Note:  After many suggestions to interview the foxy MudIdeas
 Forum Moderator and MajorMUD Design contributer Harkle, we here at
 MMN saw a need to comply.  Also, look for Harkle's article "Muddika" 
 in the Holiday Special column below! 
 
 Nity:   So when did you start playing mud?
 
 Harkle: You really want me to answer that?
 
 Nity:   Uh, yeah.
 
 Harkle: Just be the same lame interview.
 
 
 
 Nity:   Hey, just follow me here!
 
 Harkle: I started playing around the time module-1 was added on a 
         local BBS in Southern Cali called "Dark Tower."
 
 Nity:   What's your favorite mud character to play?
 
 Harkle: Probably an Elf Paladin, but I'm partial to Half-Elf Ninjas 
         and Bards.
 
 Nity:   You don't play anymore, do ya?
 
 Harkle: I started playing a few months back on the new MUDLive on 
         Metro's boards. For quite a while I had quit though, yes.
 
 Nity:   What is your fondest mud memory?
 
 Harkle: The first time I found you could use a dead cat as a weapon. 
         It was probably the last "innocent" time I had playing MUD. I
         used that cat for weeks, just because I could. I finally 
         stopped when I found myself another weapon that I liked even 
         more... a glowing broadsword. Man I was the king.
 
 Nity:   How long have you been an op?
 
 Harkle: In forums?
 
 Nity:   No, at the local DMV.  Yes in forums!
 
 Harkle: Ooo... around the time Mod-7 was added. I started as a 
         scripting op on the old, old Forums. Then moved to main and 
         so on.
 
 Nity:   What's your favorite part of being an op?
 
 Harkle: I can't say I really have one. The bright green name was 
         cool, then the little blue man was cool. The blue stars are 
         nifty too though.
 
 Nity:   What's your least favorite part?
 
 Harkle: I'd say my least favorite part is feeling the need to read 
         forums when I'm not in the mood to.
 
 Nity:   Let's see what the listeners want to know. Azazel, are you 
         there?
 
 Azazel: Yes
 
 Nity:   And you have a question for Harkle?
 
 Azazel: I've been asked by a lot of people lately for the EXACT 
         formula for the new Q&D. Could you enlighten me Harkle?
 
 Harkle: First you take the square root of of the exact perfect number
         to the soul, then you divide that by the number of cells in 
         the human body. Once you have that number you must throw that
         many quarters into the sky. The number of quarters God takes 
         for himself, is the answer.
 
 Nity:   So how did you become part of mud ideas?
 
 Harkle: That happened after Izzy and I had been talking and I came 
         out "on top" in the conversation... so, as his revenge, I'm 
         now a MUDIdeas op.
 
 Nity:   So how did Shannon end up with the new title "Mom"?
 
 Harkle: Well, that's what you call your mother, right?  While she 
         didn't give birth to me and we're not related, as far as I 
         go, she is.  She's done a lot for me and it's the only way I 
         that I can really describe her.
 
 Nity:   So you see Izak as a Dad too? Or he just a big brother who 
         picks on ya? 

 Harkle: He's more like a big monkey. He picks his nose and screams a 
         lot, but when it comes down to it he can't hurl poop for 
         squat. He's a good friend.
 
 Nity:     So, what's keeping you in the mud community?
 
 Harkle: The chance to design and put the images in my head to use. 
         Even if people hate my stuff, it's rewarding to know it's 
         there.
 
 Nity:   What got you into designing?
 
 Harkle: Long story short, Cyan conned me into it. After that, I just 
         got more into it. I always thought about it, but never took 
         it seriously.
 
 Nity:   What are you most proud of designing at this point?
 
 Harkle: Well, I really am fond of the Midnight Glare. I wrote the 
         story pretty late and it wound up with lots of errors, but 
         the concept in general I really like. Some of the stuff I'm 
         proudest of hasn't been put in yet and may never be. I 
         suppose area wise my favorite is the Strange Mansion... Quoth
         the Raven, Never More.
 
 Nity:   And where would you like to see mud go? Do you have any ideas
         on remort?
 
 Harkle: Quite a few actually. From multi-classing to ascended classes
         with three or four choices per class to remort to. Probably 
         the biggest thing I want to see MUD explore is the Sky. Every 
         little kid wants to fly, you know?
 
 Nity:   Let's take one last call, shall we? Ricki, you have a 
         question for Harkle?
 
 Ricki:  If I'm not mistaken, you speak Japanese. What aspired you to 
         learn different languages?
 
 Harkle: Partially, I'm really not any good at it. I really need to 
         get back into practice of speaking and/or writing. Same goes 
         for French. I've always been into history and culture, so it 
         was just natural to be interested in the languages of 
         different cultures.
 
 Nity:   Those the only 2 languages outside english?
 
 Harkle: No, but they're the only two I'm particularly fond of and 
         wish to be better at. I've studied some German, Latin and 
         looked into enough linguistics to catch on to some other 
         random languages. Sadly I never got enough Russian to mention
         it, despite it being the one I really wanted to know.
 
 Nity:   Have you ever been to any of these places?
 
 Harkle: Several times to Europe, though only to Germany once. Also to
         Russia and Sweeden, but not in my trips to "Europe." I've 
         been to Japan twice, surprisingly cold.
 
 Nity:   Very well, on to cookies. What is with your obsession with 
         cookies?
 
 Harkle: What's not to obsess? Cookies are superior to every form of 
         matter in the universe. If there is in fact a god, it would 
         certainly be a cookie... or maybe a lighter, hmm.
 
 Nity:   Any happy little notes you want in closing?
 
 Harkle: Happy... I suppose you'd really have to not know me to think 
         I'd have anything happy to say of my own free will... oh 
         look, a cookie.
 
 Nity:   And with that, until next time! Thank you Harkle for your 
         time and patience.  I'll try to be more of a flirt 
         next time! 
         
 § 
 
 Who would you like to see interviewed in future issues of the 
 MajorMUD Newsletter?  E-mail Daymia at [email protected] with your
 nomination!
 
 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Holiday Special =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
 Muddika
 by Harkle
 
 (Based on the Chanukah Song by Adam Sandler)
 
 Put on your tunica
 It's time for a boss runika
 So much for your scriptika
 Let's celebrate boss dropikas

 Boss runika is a festival of gear
 Instead of one day of scripting
 We get five crazy peers

 When you feel like the only mudder live
 Without a real-life task
 Here's a new list of bosses you can kill
 With friends like me and a flask

 The ice sorceress,
 Lets you sit on her throne
 Then head down to Thragís cave and swing Ďtil you see bone

 Guess who gives and drops
 Plenty of experience and toys
 The Champion of Blood and all three of his "boys"

 The weapon master is half a boss
 His queen is half, too
 Put them together
 So many things drop I can give some to you

 We got the Lord of the Hunt
 And the Fallen Angel
 Lady of the Night from mod-8ís a boss
 And yes her robes do dangle

 So pick up your goodsika
 It's kill some more bossikas 
 Two times we tried on Ozrinomika
 But now we have gear runikas

 Gigantic Black Ooze
 Still not a Bossy
 But guess who is,
 The guy who commands the Duergar posse

 There used to be a she-dragony
 Now she isnít
 But an adult red dragon is and boy sheís crabby,
 Meia isnít quite a boss,
 But we still like to run to íer

 Guess who killed the barmaid
 On the way to the dread bum
 No, I'm not talking about me
 I'm talkin' about five newbies on a Phoenix run

 This silly game has so many bosses
 Bruce Springsteen isn't
 But my mother thinks he is.

 Tell the world you're busy-ka
 It's time for Boss runika
 It's not because you have no life-ika
 They can toot their own harmonika
 So take your job and shovika
 Get drunk and kill Maliveka
 If you really really wannaka
 Have a happy happy happy happy boss runika!

 §
 
 Would you like to write a holiday themed story or poem about 
 MajorMUD for future issues?  Contact Daymia at [email protected]
 for more information!
 
 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Bard's Tale -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
 "The Shovel"
 by Iorek

   Frosted brown grass carpeted the cold ground.  Beneath the grass 
 the frost had a firm hold on the earth.  Old and worn gravestones 
 stared at the gravedigger as he leaned on his shovel, taking a few 
 last moments before tackling the frozen ground.  He no longer gave
 any thought to the difficulty of digging through rock hard soil.  Who
 would he complain to? The dead?  They were the reason he was digging 
 in the first place.

   His thoughts were distracted by movement.  A small procession of 
 people was descending the gentle curve of the bridge that connected 
 the city to the graveyard.  Two weary looking men carried a narrow
 flat board upon which rested a bundle of dingy cloth.  They were 
 followed by a woman leading a child by the hand.  The woman walked as
 in a daze, her free hand tightly gripping the ragged cloak she wore 
 closed around her throat.  Her eyes followed every move of the bundle
 on the board.

   The gravedigger sighed inwardly.  They were early.  He watched them
 walk closer for a few moments before making his way towards the grave
 he had dug just hours ago.  He walked slowly, not wanting to beat 
 them and have to stand and wait.  The frost made soft crunching 
 noises beneath his heavy boots.  The gravestones watched him 
 silently, eternal witnesses to all he did.  He wouldnít talk to them 
 either.

   As planned, the party was at the grave before him.  He stood 
 camoflauged, his drab clothes as colorless and monotonous as the 
 steel gray sky above him.  He sank the blade of his shovel into the 
 mound of dirt next to the hole and waited.  The two men didnít give 
 him a single glance.  He recognized them as assistants to the 
 undertaker.  They did their job; he did his. 
 
   The woman continued to stare at the pitiful bundle of rags as the 
 two men laid it on the ground beside the grave.  Her eyes were 
 red-rimmed from crying or from drink, he couldnít tell.  She was a 
 common woman and given to either.  Her hair was unkempt and looked as
 though it hadnít seen a brush in days.  The grave had probably cost 
 her everything she had.

   The child on the other hand, stared up at the gravedigger with dark
 brown eyes.  Red ringlets peeked out from beneath a tattered wool cap
 pulled down over her ears.  She was wrapped in a brown overcoat that
 looked to have been cut down to her size.  It looked to have once 
 been a dark blue, but was now a faded gray.  In stark contrast to the
 rest of her dull apparell was the bright scarf around her neck.  
 Although it seemed a haphazard collection of rough strips of cloth 
 sewn together, the colors were vibrant.  It made him conscious of the
 chill breeze that bit his own neck.

   Since there was no priest, the two men waited a moment out of 
 politeness before carefully lifting the body from the board and 
 placing into the grave.  The woman continued to watch the bundle; the
 child watched the gravedigger.  He tried to ignore her as he began
 the quick work of returning the displaced earth into the grave.

   When he finished he leaned on his shovel handle, surveying his 
 work.  The two men had waited respectfully while the body was covered
 before collecting their board and leaving.  They left the woman and 
 her child alone with the gravedigger.

   Just as he was about to follow the lead of the assistants, the 
 little girl released her motherís hand and walked around to his side 
 of the grave.  He stared down at her as she stared up at him.
 
   "Are you cold?" she asked.  He shook his head, even though the 
 sweat from his short labor made the bitter breeze even sharper.  She 
 thought about this a moment as she watched him.  He tried 
 unsuccessfully to stifle a shiver.  Then slowly she unwound the scarf
 from around her neck, offering it to him with a smile.  
 
   When he didnít accept it immediately, she said, "Take it.  It will 
 make you warm."  Hesitantly he lifted the scarf from her outstretched
 hands.  She watched him wrap it around his neck.  She smiled again.  
 Despite its rough look the scarf was surprisingly soft.  And warm.  
 In spite of himself, he broke into a small smile of his own and 
 nodded his thanks.
 
   "Is that your father?" he asked, looking at the mound of dirt 
 beside them.  Her smile faded as she nodded.  "Iím assuming your 
 family canít afford a headstone for him."  The little girlís eyes 
 filled with tears.  
 
   "Iím afraid we wonít be able to find him again if we leave."  
   
   The gravedigger nodded slowly as he thought.  He didnít have any 
 headstones and he didnít know how to make them.  Then he had a 
 thought.  "What was his name?"
    
   "Richard."
    
   Although he had never learned to read or write properly, he knew 
 names.  All of the gravestones had names.  Heíd had plently of time 
 to learn how to recreate the symbols to spell them out.  He pulled a
 knife from his coat pocket and knelt down, resting the shovel across 
 his knees.  Into the smooth wood of its handle he carved the symbols 
 for the name Richard.  He then stood and planted it firmly at the 
 head of the grave.
 
   "There, now you will always know where to find him."
   
   The girl beamed up at him with her soft dark eyes.  She hugged his 
 legs in thanks.  He smiled as the girl returned to her mother and
 pointed at the upright shovel, saying something he couldnít hear.

   The shovel wouldnít last forever.  Eventually the elements would 
 claim it, rotting the wooden handle and rusting the iron head.  But, 
 he had more shovels.

 § 
 
 Interested in writing a story or poem for future issues of the 
 MajorMUD Newsletter?  Contact Daymia at [email protected] for more 
 information!
 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Take A Tour -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
 Welcome to Silvermere
 by Daymia
 
 After my excursion around the Realm last month, tracking down the 
 storylines behind all the recent events with Version 1.11n, I decided
 to remain in Silvermere.  The town was so old historically I felt it
 was really the next logical step in my tours around the Realm.  This
 is an account from the journal that I kept during my stay.
 
 Jail
 Oddly however, my journey begins in jail.  You see, my last stop in 
 the Version N tour was with a Mr. Aiken.  Unfortunately, he and I had 
 come to some argument over what I saw as a bleak future for mages.
 At the time I did not know that he was in fact, a mage.  Well to make
 a long story short, one sharp cry and bloodied iron-capped staff 
 later and I find myself battered and thrown into jail.  Now, as a 
 gypsy I am just a bit more qualified than the average barmaid to rate
 this jail.  First off, these guards saw fit to not simply throw me
 into the jail cell once, but actually three, THREE, times!  I cannot 
 even explain how this is possible, but I promise you that it is.  
 After I recovered from my concussion, I saw I was given no waterskin,
 no bowl of stew, and absolutely no one heeded my cries about a phone 
 call.  Strangely no one had bothered to disarm my weapon either, but
 before I could make use of it, I was dumped straight out of thin air
 into the crossroads of some slum.
 
 Strange Cults
 My head hurt from the fall and I felt terribly disoriented.  The city
 limits were just a hop, skip and jump north from where I landed.  I 
 was just about to head that way before I was stopped by some goth kid
 suffering teenage angst, screaming something at me about "Death to 
 those who oppose the spud god!"  I tried explaining to him that 
 running around cursing people was impolite, however he took no heed 
 of me.  Needless to say, I left him crying like a baby on the floor 
 of a nearby shop.  It soon came to my awareness that there was 
 actually an entire family of these potato zealots dwelling in some 
 rotting mansion to the east - some missionary could certainly score a
 few brownie points by cleaning up that act.  
 
 Treasure to Trash
 Heading into town I stopped at the first location to catch my eye, a
 junkyard.  As a child I had grown up hearing cool stories about the
 things one could find in a junkyard, such as cereal boxes with logos
 resembling one's likeness.  To my dismay this junkyard was quite 
 hands off, as it was entirely automated, and its contents were sealed
 behind gates.  A demonic, fiery hilt caught my eye at the front of 
 the heap, and with rash disgust at seeing this weapon sitting amongst
 junk, I quickly wenched a gold ring from my finger.  Placing it into 
 the slot, I hit the button and watched the machinery come to life, 
 giddy with anticipation at my fortuitous find.  One thud later and I 
 reached into the dispenser only to find a 'diet hellblade'.  I was 
 furious.  Immediately I kicked the machine, only to be brought back 
 to stunning reality at the wincing pain of my now broken big toe.
 
 Forgive me Father, for I have PWNED
 As I lay in my cot staring at the ceiling, my toe comfortably wrapped
 and taking a breather from my boot, I heard a fellow patient ask the
 healer for news.  Eventually I began my own discourse with him, and
 learned that he was some type of goody tushu errant.  Apparently he
 could not think for himself, and needed me to speak to the town's
 Guildmaster before he would converse any further with me.  Something
 about the angelic choir and smothering incense was beginning to make
 my head spin with regret of my nomadic, hedonistic path in life.  
 Before risking further insanity and rerolling into a missionary, 
 which would surely guarantee another visit to the Cult of Spud, I 
 quickly escaped and headed for the Guild.
 
 Adventurer's Guild
 A polite old man was seated in the foyer during my visit, and eyed me
 suspiciously.  He looked awfully familiar, though I couldn't place 
 the face.  "Have we met before?"  I asked, to which he eagerly shook
 his head "no".  The Guild mostly provides a hall for the training of
 various walks of life, though one machine against the far east wall
 can satisfactorily handle them all.  I could have used a good lesson 
 or two myself at the time, but I remembered my earlier encounter with
 Silvermerian machinery and decided against it.  After an inspiring
 chitchat with the Guildmaster, who, I highly recommend, I headed back
 out towards the road.  Something caught my eye on the bulletin, an
 old message.  At the end it read: "Soon work will begin on removing 
 the avalanche blocking the western road!" to which someone had added,
 in a greasy red paste, "Har Har."
 
 Gift Giving Cheer Starts Here!
 I thought I'd take this moment to interrupt the journal with a 
 Daymia's Guide to your Holiday Shopping.  Things getting cold in the 
 bedroom, ladies?  Get the heat back in your relationship by getting 
 your man a Thuluk's Marvelous Hatchet.  He'll be stocking your 
 fireplace with a smile!  Men, keep your lady warm during the cold 
 season with her very own Sarkhee's Sapphire Ring!  She'll be 
 resisting fjet in no time.  And for the little ones, Jael's newly 
 revised super slings are guaranteed to raise your medical bills by
 atleast 45%.   
 
 I will gladly pay you Tuesday...
 After stocking up on supplies and a handful of presents for the 
 family, I reached into my pockets and found not a single copper
 farthing.  It was at this point that my travels took me to the Bank
 of Godfrey, where I had the opportune moment to meet Mayor Godfrey,
 the bank's obvious proprietor.  During some brief small talk where we
 discussed adventuring and the evils of the Realm, a loud shriek shook
 the bank's walls.  A townswoman had just been robbed of her amethyst
 ring!  Startled by the scream, the culprit, a thief who at the moment
 was attempting to best the vault lock, dropped his lockpicks and 
 hastily scampered for the exit.  Without a moment's hesitation, Mayor
 Godfrey lept to the door and pinned the thief to the ground with the 
 tip of his greatsword.  After the guards flocked in to subdue the 
 criminal, I asked the Mayor where he trained for such tactics.  His 
 reply, "Well, it might have been Godfrey the Barbarian, but I'm 
 thinking that one was in Red Sentara."
 
 Arena
 Just before anyone reads this and thinks Mayor Godfrey used his
 background as a famous action movie superstar to win himself the town
 vote, allow me to correct.  Mayor Godfrey used his background as an
 action movie superstar to win himself a bank, which he later used to
 buy the town vote.  Anyway, inspired by Godfrey's heroism I skipped 
 to the local arena to avast a defenseless dummy.  I wasn't long into
 my attacks when I realized the dummy's wrappings were magically
 enhanced to withstand attack.  Then it came to me!  If I were simply
 able to remove the dummy's wraps and place them about my own body, I 
 would be invincible!  In place of a dummy, Silvermere would have a 
 Queen!  Not d-elf, but beautiful and terrible as the dawn!  I paused,
 recoiled, and found, to my surprise, I had been ousted from the arena
 by a nearby guard on grounds of "vandalism" and "attempted grand 
 theft."  When I asked the guard how it was possible to vandalize 
 something set up for free public beating, he merely pointed to his 
 eyes and then back at me, mouthing the words, "I see you."
 
 Park
 I decided the best way to end such a trialsome day would be with a
 stroll in the park.  The whisper of leaves was quiet and relaxing, 
 and the statues inspired daydreams of lost heroes.  I stopped a while
 at a mystic, and remembered sweeping seablue hair and piercing golden
 eyes.  Then, I recalled a local fable, that if you threw a smoky coin
 into the fountain's water, you would fly high to the heavens where
 all your past mistakes would be forgiven.  Spying one oddly disgarded
 within some weeds at the fountain's base, I made a wish and threw it 
 in.  I waited a moment, perhaps two, eyes closed and hoping, but 
 nothing happened.  Maybe it was indeed only but a myth.  And so, in 
 close of my day, I sat down at a nearby bench and stared deeply into 
 the trickling water, pondering my next adventure.
 
 Wiedersehen!
 
 §
 
 Interested in writing a Take A Tour article about Dragons of the 
 Realm?  Have themes or areas in mind that you would like to see 
 visited in future issues?  Contact Daymia at [email protected] with
 your suggestions!

 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Nity's Notions =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
 MajorMUD and Love
 by Nity
 
 --'--,[email protected]
 Dear Nity, 
 How can I make Sam the Banana notice me?
 
 Signed,
 Sam's Secret Admirer
 
 Dear Secret Admirer, 
 Assuming you are male, you at least have a chance with Sam. Sam is an
 extravagant character and someone who enjoys attention. My thoughts 
 would be to get his attention. Perhaps sending him a strip-o-gram at 
 work or school, dressing in drag and doing a sexy striptease for him.
 Make sure you stand out and make him notice you and give you a second
 thought. Approach him and express your want for him. You have nothing
 to lose by trying! Good luck and go get your man!
 
 Nity

 --'--,[email protected]
 Dear Nity,
 I've got a drinking buddy and former roommate who used to mud. He 
 quit shortly after mod 8 was released. After all these years, is 
 right for me to continously harangue him to play mud every time we go
 out drinking?  Oh, and if you notice a girl glancing at you and then 
 you stare at an object past her and she eventually turns to look at 
 that object, does that mean she's interested in you?  Does this girl 
 like me?  I'm confused. 
 
 Help me please!
 Confused
 
 Dear Confused, 
 Let me see if I can't answer this one question at a time. First
 concerning your mud buddy. Harass away, get him back into the 
 addiction we all know and love. Unless of course he tells you flat 
 out to leave him alone, then I would back off. Until then, harangue 
 away! As far as your girl problems go, women always send mixed 
 signals. We are a breed of our own. There is never a way to tell if a
 girl is interested in you. You can ask, but we lie. You can try and 
 take hints, but sometimes we drop hints that really mean nothing. 
 It's a game we like to play and unfortunately, due to code amongst 
 women, I cannot let you in on our divine secrets of the ya-ya 
 sisterhood. If any female is doing her job right, you will always 
 remain in suspense and never know which ladder you currently stand 
 on. (See http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.htm for more 
 information on the ladder theory)
 
 Nity
 
 --'--,[email protected]
 Dear Nity,
 For the past few years I've been carrying on a friendship with 
 someone who I thought was a well-adjusted, reasonable person.  
 However, ever since I showed him my "boomstick" he's entered a 
 downward spiral of perversion, crack addiction, alcoholism, and 
 hustling at pool. On top of all that, his priorities have been 
 outright worrisome, just within the past few weeks he spent time with
 his "girlfriend" instead of playing in a contest within the game.  
 Recently he's been starting to make bizarre innuendos towards me, and
 wanting to see my "boomstick" more and more often. I think he has 
 some envy issues because of it. Anyway, I think I'm finally sick of 
 it, I just can't decide whether I should drop him hard like the 
 moldy, rotten, sack of potatoes he is, or should I keep him around in
 case it turns out he has some sort of redeemable value to him.
 
 Please help,
 Too Sexy for this Shirt.
 

 Dear Too Sexy, 
 Often showing your "boomstick" in a relationship of any kind is 
 likely to cause problems. I would highly suggest confronting this 
 friend about it. Tell him you are concerned and worried about his 
 behavior lately. His lack of desire for participating in contests 
 leads me to assume he's depressed. Perhaps he is facing envy issues 
 after seeing your "boomstick" and it has caused this depression. May 
 I suggest counseling for his personal issues and lack of desire for 
 contests? If he bites the hand you reach out to him, dump him like 
 the moldy, rotten, sack of potatoes he is! You don't need friends 
 like that when you have enemies! May I also recommend not flaunting 
 your "boomstick" to any future friends unless you have full 
 intentions on sharing it. 
 
 Nity
  
 § 
 
 Have questions related to MajorMUD and life that you would like 
 advice on?  E-mail Nity at [email protected] and look for your 
 questions in next month's issue!
 
 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Banana Peel =-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
 Sam's Picks
 by Sam the Banana
 
 Since all I do is sit around my house thinking about mud and typing, 
 I thought I would share my opinion on a few items that I don't think 
 get enough attention.  

 Golden Pike (G-Pizzle) 
 Really, this is one of the earliest compelling reasons to switch over
 to 2-handed weapons and drop that shield.  The backbone of this 
 weapon is its solid damage output.  50 on the top end for 3k speed 
 just rules the school for weapons pretty much until level 50(!), 
 excluding the ssgs of course.  Combat 4 will find pulling 4s with it 
 easy, and ninjas, the 'slowbies' of the 3000 speed weapon class, 
 won't mind only pulling 3s or 3/3/4 with it at level 30-35 because 
 it'll crit the pants off any other weapon they've touched.  
 Additionally, the pike has some nice 'icing' in that it hooks you up 
 with 2 AC (take that, sabres) and a big accuracy bonus to push even 
 ninjas to a miss percentage under 20%.  Now, this is the part where 
 somebody asks me, "OMG Sam but the SSGS owns the pike so much it is 
 1337!!!11" or something.  Ah yes, but the pike only needs a fantastic 
 90 STRENGTH, so even girly little elves can use it, assuming, for 
 some odd reason, they have max strength at level 30.  Oh yea, 
 witchunters can use it.  Unf.

 Silver Signet Ring
 Ya ya, I know, no level 30 char is wearing this thing unless it was 
 given to them by some higher-level char or it was on the floor in 
 their ganghouse.  I know, it deletes at cleanup, which is always 
 annoying.  I know, it's good only.  I know, only 5 classes can use 
 it.  But man it rules.  It totally rules.  I mean look at it!  It's 
 tied for highest damage bonus.  Its accuracy bonus  blows any other ring away.  It's tied for 2nd 
 highest AC bonus.  Not enough?  It's got 25 hps.  And it only weighs 
 15.  That's a whole 10 LESS encumbrance than any quest ring and 5 
 less than the plat ring (zing!).  Just think of what you could do 
 with 10 less encumbrance.  It's quite possibly the "best ring in the 
 game."  Wish my ninja could use it, that's for sure.

 Crest of Silvermere
 Wait wait, this item actually BLOWS.  I thought I would include 
 something on here that sucks, and went with this, though it was a 
 hard call against a certain level 15 lim-1 tunic.  Anyway, look at 
 this heap.  Sure, it gives 1.5 AC and 1 damage, and, that's right 10 
 whole spellcasting, but it weighs freaking 150, and is lim-1, and 
 good only.  Here's why it sucks:  take a look at the giant spiked 
 collar.  It's unlimited, any alignment, weighs the same, same damage 
 bonus, no spellcasting but gives 2 accuracy (much more valuable in 
 the long run), and oh, what's this?  That's right - 1.5/.3 AC.  It's 
 got *everything* the crest has except better AC and no restrictions, 
 save the level requirement.  That's really the sole purpose of the 
 Crest - for that ONE person in the realm who isn't level 35 to put it
 on his neck (oh and he has to be good also).  But, since level 35 
 takes about 2 weeks tops to get to if you are proactive on 
 questing/bosses, the crest really pales next to the collar.  Woof 
 woof.  
 
 Well, there you have it.  P's!

 § 
 
 Need insight on a certain genre of MajorMUD items?  Send Sam the 
 Banana a PM (or see his forum profile for IM information) on 
 Mudcentral Forums with your request!
 
 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= MajorMUD Resources -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
 The MajorMUD History Channel
 by Blood Fetish
 
 mmudville.com
 
 MMudville is easily one of the oldest MajorMUD resources in 
 existence, having started over five and a half years ago - just 
 before Version 1.1s.  Despite its age and old school style, MMudville
 still manages to keep up with the times by providing recent and 
 accurate information.  Unlike most other MajorMUD information sites, 
 MMudville goes beyond simply providing faceless tables of stats.  It 
 is a veritable encyclopedia of MajorMUD history.

 When visiting this page for the first time, the viewer will 
 immediately notice that nearly everything is divided up by Module.  
 Though a little difficult to navigate quickly, it gives the user the
 opportunity to see what each Module delivered in a way that divulges
 the evolution of MajorMUD.  Once a particular Module is selected, the
 user is presented with much more than just ordinary item, spell, and 
 monster stats.  There are sections to show what was new or changed 
 with that Module, captures of official press releases, and even the 
 descriptions of things most people might not think to examine in
 game.  Also included are hints for completing every quest, along with
 detailed step-by-step walkthroughs for the hopelessly lost.  For
 example, this categorizing of information allows a player to see not
 only the current races and descriptions post-Module 6, but also
 the original descriptions before the changes.  Much of this 
 information simply isn't provided anywhere else, including even minor
 things such as what the gypsy tarot cards mean or how one creates a 
 battlehorn.

 MMudville also has a very casual feel to it.  Besides the monotonous 
 stats so many other sites focus on, it offers flavor.  Captures, 
 MajorMUD jokes, The Silvermere Smear, and even things like MajorMud 
 themed rap songs (Look out, Snoop).

 For those trying to find the damage on the newest uber weapon to
 those looking for a little bit more depth than just numbers, you'll
 have more than just a home in MMudville.
 
 § 
 
 Have a site that you would like to see reviewed in next month's 
 issue?  Interested in writing your own MajorMUD Resource website
 review?  E-mail Blood Fetish at [email protected] for more
 information!
 
 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- MajorFUN =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
 Silvermere Trivia Contest
 by Daymia & Blood Fetish
 
 The Silvermere Realm Deeds Shop has just decided to hire a new 
 employee to man the front.  However, not just anyone can deal real 
 estate!  In order to qualify you must prove your mastery of the local
 area lore.  Be the first to send in the 20 correct answers to the 
 following questions, and you'll be hired as the new NPC!  
  
  1. What profession is Cygani?
  2. What profession was Rab?
  3. Who's grave is marked by a single red rose?
  4. Where can you buy a silver holy amulet? 
  5. Who is the only Silvermere resident to sport moustaches?
  6. Who is the only Silvermere resident to sport a goatee?
  7. How many gold pieces does the boatman want for use of his boats?
  8. Who made the junkyard?
  9. Where might you find a dead jester? 
 10. Akmad claimed he was endowed like a(n) ______? 
 11. Who is opening a Manual Labor Emporium? 
 12. What is the Guildmaster's first name? 
 13. What is carved to resemble the arched neck and head of a dragon?
 14. To what diety is the stolen golden chalice dedicated?
 15. What type of groupe is coming soon to Silvermere?
 16. What does Helfgrim grab when he dies?
 17. How many jail cells are there in Silvermere?
 18. What is the name of the only Gnomish shopkeep in Silvermere?
 19. Who reads large books as a past-time?
 20. What beast's claws can be found displayed somewhere in town?
 
 Rules & Disclaimers:
 -E-mail your answers to: [email protected]
 -Only one entry per person.  (Watch out for tricky questions, there
  are a couple.)
 -If you are the first person to send in the 20 correct answers, you 
  will be contacted via e-mail for an NPC name, description, and 
  greeting.  If you do not wish to write a description and/or 
  greeting, or would like help, we will help or provide them for you. 
  IZaK has final say in name, description and greeting content.
 -Your NPC name must fit in stylistically with the other names of the 
  Realm.  In other words, names like "Cool Dude" or "Squirrel Basher" 
  will not be acceptable.  If none of your character names are 
  suitable, you may make one up or be disqualified.  
 -If winner is disqualified, first runner up will be contacted for 
  the same information, and so forth.
 -A notice will immediately be posted in the MajorMUD section of 
  Mudcentral Forums congratulating the winner once NPC information is 
  received from said winner.  The correct answers will be posted 
  within the notice.  This notice will officially close the contest. 
 
 §
 
 Have an idea for a game, quiz, or other fun theme for next month's 
 MajorFUN column?  E-mail Daymia at [email protected] with your 
 suggestions!
 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Realm of Legends =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
 A Day in the Life of Ug
 by Daymia & Blood Fetish
 
 This month's Legend features a half-ogre grunt from Metro Live on a
 daily adventure in the City of Silvermere.  One wouldn't think it 
 would be so hard to get a bite to eat!
 
 http://www.daymia.com/newsletter/captures/ug.html
 
 §
 
 Call for Captures!  Next month's issue, Dragons of the Realm, is
 looking to show off YOUR dragon boss capture!
 
 -Any party/stats/whatever.
 -Bug abuse is not cool.
 -Dragon bosses: prismatic dragon, massive white dragon, huge black 
  dragon, adult red dragon, enormous blue dragon, great green dragon,
  aged earth dragon, ancient sand dragon, and colossal midnight 
  dragon.
 -Please send in either text or HTML format.
 -Please do not send anything previously posted in Mudcentral Forums.
 
 Chosen capture will be determined by pure impressiveness.  Send 
 captures to Daymia at [email protected] or via private message to 
 Daymia on Mudcentral Forums.  All questions welcome!  Look for your 
 capture in next month's issue!
 
 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- In the Spotlight =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
 Metro Live (telnet://masterpiece.com)
 by Daymia & Blood Fetish
 
 This month's In the Spotlight falls on Metro Live, home to both the
 Legend of Ug and this month's interviewee, Harkle.  Probably one of 
 the most rewarding experiences a MajorMUD player can have is to play 
 in a live Realm, where you actively take a role in shaping your 
 character from start to finish.  And what better place to play it 
 than on the MajorMUD homebase itself, MetroBBS.

 While scripting is certainly allowed, players must always be at the 
 keys.  This is a great boon to both old and new characters alike.  
 For older players, this helps solve the biggest problem high level 
 characters face, boredom.  Though occasionally there are a few 
 moments of silence, many players log in during work breaks or
 otherwise just to chatter, ensuring there is rarely a dull moment.  
 For new players, this means there is practically always going to be 
 someone at keys who can help give advice, or offer assistance with 
 quests and experience.  The atmosphere is very congenial and relaxed,
 all of the players openly express interest in seeing more new faces 
 in the Realm.  There are many high level limiteds available in 
 particular, simply because the board isn't yet big enough as a whole 
 to go out and acquire them.  

 Since all players must be at keys at all times, the Realm population
 may appear to be on the low side.  However, even with only 10 players
 on average in the Realm at any one time, that is comparable to many 
 Realms with 25+ online, when you consider there are no dupes allowed,
 and every single person you see is at keys.  Playing on one of 
 Metro's boards also comes with its perks.  Besides getting to enjoy 
 the occasional online visits of Shannon and IZaK, MajorMUD's core 
 developers, there is also plenty of active sysop support available.  
 What most Metro Live players will boast about is their monthly 
 tournaments.  Whether its Shannon's gibbering horrors and terror 
 beasts testing the player's mettle, or IZaK's triathalons and 
 player's-choice rewards, there is always an event to keep the game 
 fresh and everyone involved.  So get to keys on Metro Live!
 
 § 
 
 Would you like to see your BBS In the Spotlight for next month's 
 issue?  Contact Daymia at [email protected] for more information!
 
 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
 GET EXPOSED!!!

 Interested in Advertising in the MajorMUD Newsletter or on Metropolis
 web sites?

 E-mail [email protected] for an automatic response with more 
 info.

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